What I need to do is borrow money from my 401K, buy the car and move. I've only had a 401K account for a year and a half. I've never really had anything in the way of a savings account until I acquired this one and I want to keep it the way it is: untouched by hot little hands. You can borrow money and pay it back like any other loan, paying interest to yourself and that sounds pretty good, but I don't want to get in the habit, I don't want to know how easily it can be done.

What I've known for a very long time is that I will talk something and think something to death before I actually do it. Susan called me on this once. I would talk about us going up the coast to, say, Sea Ranch for the weekend, a week from Friday, and then, because I didn't have the money when a week from Friday rolled around, we wouldn't go. She hated it and I remember at the time thinking, yeah, she was right, I'd probably hate it too.

I spent pretty much whatever I had on Susan, of course, even it it wasn't much. I didn't piss it away on anything less important. We went out to dinner in North Beach a lot (family style, one price covers all), ate hot dogs overlooking the ocean from the Cliff House arcade, drove up the coast and slept on the beach (we both liked to camp) or in a motel or even at Sea Ranch when there was money in the account. Susan wasn't particularly demanding about money, her demons were entirely different, but it was clear I would spend money with my mouth that my pocket couldn't cover, something, it seems, I still do.

Otherwise what's this car moving thing about? I need to buy, I need to do, I need to shut up. The light stands for the indoor studio product shots: How long have I been saying I'd buy those? Shoot some self portraits for the Journal Ring? I ordered them today, it does happen eventually, but I'm like a dog with a bone: talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. I'm aware of it, I'm talking about it now, let's see if I can stop. Just stop.