I think I'm entering another phase of this journal stuff. There's a certain amount of golly gosh gee whiz when you start (at least when I start) and that's OK, but there's territory beyond, I suspect, and maybe I'm starting to see some of that.

I don't have much going on. Most of the people writing these things are younger and still feeling their oats. I'm feeling them, all right, but in a more abstract sense, playing with them idly, pushing them about like leftover food on a plate. There's no cop out here, I'm not supposed to write a 20 or 30 or 40 year old's journal, but a 50 year old's journal that fits me, brings a little self knowledge and keeps me off the street.

Two things are happening or have been happening now for the last couple of years. My health is a lot better and looks like its going to remain that way for some time to come. That means I've got energy enough to poke around again, experiment with the world. It's interesting to watch. Things seem to take a lot of time, you stumble but you don't really fall, you stand up and then you start again. From zero, I guess, but also not. You cover the ground again, but faster and better this time, you go farther and by god one day you seem to get done and start again.

I have some semblance of where I might like to go these next ten years, more a direction than a set of sign posts, I suppose, and that feels good. I don't think I've ever had that before. Life seemed really weird, people's ambitions seemed weird (along with a few weird ambitions of my own), with no sense purpose or end. Still seems weird, but a little more polite, the river gets wider and you can sort of see where you'd like it to end. If I'm lucky, it will go in directions of its own, not where you want, but where you need it to go. Life to lyrics by the Rolling Stones. Good as any, I suppose.

And chronicle it all here in this swell journal? I doubt it. I mean, it would surprise me, wouldn't it surprise you? Now it seems to play a part and it needs to go a whole lot farther before it stops. So I'll get some more pictures, horizontal ones of clever stuff that fit at the top, and write on.

The last couple of paragraphs need a lot of rewriting to stop people from throwing up, but I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Maybe I'll finish this tomorrow. And maybe I won't.